


Technique #42

by Caitiy



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 08:22:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14540637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitiy/pseuds/Caitiy
Summary: The answer to life, the universe, and everything according to women comes from an unexpected source.





	Technique #42

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> This fic was originally written sometime in early 2010 and posted on Ff.n March 11, 2018. Original author's note as follows:
> 
> A/N: I’ve absolutely no idea where this one-shot came from. >.< It’s silly to say the least. ^^;; Many thanks to Clearheart for giving this a first look and me the encouragement to post! Also, thanks to my beta MysticalSpirits for helping to make this readable!

Technique #42

 

“Sakura!” Ino called as she rushed to catch up with her former rival.  “Sakura!”

 

The pink-haired woman stopped and turned so her friend could catch up with her.  “Hey Ino, what’s new?” she asked, wondering what could have prompted the usually cool and collected woman to come rushing after her.

 

Ino took a minute to catch her breath before regaining her composure.  “Did you hear?” the blonde woman queried with poorly-concealed excitement in her voice.

 

Sakura tilted her head to the side and knit her eyebrows.  “Hear?  Hear about what?  There are a ton of things going on in the village right now.  Could you be a bit more specific?”

 

Impatiently, the blonde tossed her hair over her shoulder as they resumed movement in an unspoken agreement toward a nearby café.  “About _Lee_.  Did you hear about _Lee_?”  Again, a tinge of excitement colored her words.

 

Sakura turned her head and raised her eyebrows in surprise.  “Lee?  What about him?”  Her moment of surprise faded quickly as she made an educated guess.  “He got drunk again and destroy a non-shinobi-proof pub?”

 

Ino chuckled at the memory of Lee’s last drunken escapade, which had earned him an escort (a particularly despised punishment duty awarded to jonin who did stupid things – such as hiding the Hokage’s porn) whenever he went drinking.  “No!  Even better!”

 

“Better?” Sakura mused as she ordered a girly coffee, secure in the knowledge that Ino would be purchasing an equally girly beverage.  “Oh, I know!  Someone’s finally beat some fashion sense into that bowl-cut of his and he’s ditched the green spandex?”

 

Ino laughed.  “If only…” she trailed off as the two women collected their coffees and brought them to a sun-lit window-side table.

 

Once they were settled, Sakura resumed their conversation.  “So?  What’s this about Lee?”

 

Ino grinned happily.  “You know how he was sent off to Snow for a two-month assignment after encouraging Guy to challenge Kakashi to that natto eating contest?”

 

“Yeah, and…?” Sakura asked, feeling puzzled as to where Ino could possibly be going with her story.  Aside from his terrible fashion sense and occasional drunken adventures, Lee was fairly boring (i.e. good at staying out of trouble) compared to other shinobi in the village.

 

“Well, I guess he met a girl there—” Ino started.

 

Sakura coughed and managed to turn her head in time so as not to spray her friend with coffee.  “What?!” she exclaimed once her coughing fit subsided.  “Lee met a girl, like, a real one?” She remembered Lee’s terrible luck in picking up women – most of them turned out to be men either in, or occasionally out, of drag.  And, while the younger green-clad shinobi was open-minded in the matters of the heart, once he realized his mistake, the relationship would inevitably end.  He was, after all, looking for a woman with whom to share his life.  

 

The blonde smiled smugly, having known that Sakura would react in such a manner.  “Yeah, I know!  I was shocked too.  Miracles do happen!”

 

“Well I’ll be darned, there really is someone out there for everyone!”  Sakura smiled, feeling happy for the taijutsu master.  “Good for him.”

 

Ino waved her hand impatiently.  “Yeah, yeah, good for him yadda-yadda-yadda.  But, it’ not what I’m so excited about!”

 

The pink-haired woman raised an eyebrow, wondering what could possibly top Lee finding a girlfriend.  “Really?”

 

“No!”  Ino shook her head.  “I haven’t told you the best part of it yet!”  She paused dramatically.

 

Starting to get tired of her friend’s theatrics, Sakura rolled her eyes.  “And that is?”

 

“While he was there, his new girlfriend taught him…” she paused again, wanting a better reaction from her friend.

 

Getting impatient, Sakura sighed and complied. “What?  What did she teach him?” she asked without a lot of enthusiasm – she couldn’t imagine what anyone could teach _Lee_ that would have Ino so excited.

 

Ino tsked her friend before continuing.  “She taught him ‘Technique #42.’”

 

Sakura’s eyes widened in shock and she almost dropped her cup of coffee.  “Oh.  My.  God.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

“Kakashi!” Sakura called as she wandered through his suite of rooms in Hokage Tower.  She knew he was there – it was his unofficial afternoon Icha Icha break, and he rarely left the tower when he could instead hole up somewhere with one of his favorite smutty companions.  “Kakashi?” she tried again, moving from the public areas of his suite to his personal living area.

 

Starting to wonder if he really was somewhere in his private apartment, Sakura opened the door to his closet out of desperation.  Suddenly, a hand found her wrist and pulled her into the closet and down to the floor, or rather, into a male lap.

 

“Ah, just in time,” Kakashi smirked, pleased with Sakura’s timing.  “I was just getting to some of my favorite parts involving a nurse…” He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

 

“Kakashi!” she scolded with a bit of color rising to her cheeks.  “You’re supposed to be signing off on mission assignments right…” She trailed off as an interesting illustration abruptly entered her view…one that indeed featured a rather naughty nurse.

 

“You know, the adult clothing boutique recently sent me some samples of their Icha Icha merchandise for approval...” He let the sentence hang suggestively in the air a moment before adding, “Somehow they seem to have managed to send everything in your size.”

 

“Kakashi – wait, no!”  Sakura shook her head, extracting herself from his lap and scooting away from the older man.  “No, no, not now!  I have something important to discuss.”  Hastily she rose to her feet, not wanting to become part of Kakashi’s procrastination tactic, before stepping out of the closet.  “Work first, play later.”

 

He chuckled as he got to his feet and made a move to pull her back.  “Since when?”

 

Smoothly she evaded his hands.  “Kakashi!” she chided him as a bit of color returned to her cheeks.  “This is important!”

 

Sensing that his kunoichi wasn’t going to give in to him unless he heard her out, he followed her into his bedroom.  “Okay, okay.”  He heaved a sigh.  “What’s so important that you felt the need to track me down during my afternoon Icha Icha break…” he raised an eyebrow, “for a non-Icha Icha reason?”

 

Sakura coughed momentarily, allowing him to derail her thought process as her mind flicked back to the last time she’d interrupted him while he was enjoying the company of one of his smutty little novels.  Finally, she managed to gather herself together as she remembered the importance of Lee’s new technique.  “Lee returned to the village recently.”

 

“And?” Kakashi asked, folding his arms across his chest with some amusement.  Anything involving one of the Spandex Wonder Twins was bound to be good.

 

Sakura narrowed her eyes, sensing his amusement, and continued.  “While he was away, he managed to find himself a girlfriend—“

 

“What?!” the older man couldn’t help but interrupt.

 

“Yes, yes,” Sakura waved her hand impatiently.  “That’s not the important bit.”

 

Kakashi raised an eyebrow dubiously, wondering what could possibly top Lee finding a girl.  “Okay, what is?”

 

“His girlfriend taught him a technique.  One that is completely alien to all male shinobi in this village.”  The medic hurried on before Kakashi could interrupt her.  “It is absolutely vital that _all_ male shinobi learn this technique as soon as possible.”

 

He frowned a bit.  “Oh really?”

 

“Yes.”  She eyed him calculatingly before adding, “Including _you_.”

 

“What?  _Me_?”  He asked with some surprise.  “What kind of technique _is_ this?”

 

“One you need to learn. I expect you to use that special gift of yours to copy it if necessary,” she admonished seriously.

 

“Sakura, what can possibly be that important?” he asked with some concern, beginning to wonder if he hadn’t been doing as great a job as he had thought during their Icha Icha-inspired sessions.

 

Sakura shook her head with a faint frown, unwilling to elaborate any further.

 

He sighed.  “Okay, if it’s as important as you say it is, I’ll arrange for a demonstration and make it mandatory for all active—“

 

Sakura coughed.

 

He raised both eyebrows and amended his statement. “…All male shinobi.”

 

Sakura beamed and opened her mouth to respond.

 

“That is, _if_ …” Kakashi smirked, raising his book suggestively and pointing to the illustration of the nurse.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Lee awkwardly hopped into the crowded assembly room as though shoved from behind, and slowly walked to the raised dais at the front of the room.  He hesitated often to look over his shoulder in silent appeal but was denied each time.  Resigned, he climbed the short flight of stairs and walked to the center of the makeshift stage, standing beside a large box.

 

He waited uncomfortably, listening to the wash of voices babble around him as the assembled shinobi held conversations to pass the time.  Finally, just when he thought he was going to be there forever, the Hokage appeared in a puff of smoke next to him.

 

Slowly all conversation stopped, and silence filled the assembly room as everyone’s attention was fixed on the Hokage.

 

Kakashi cleared his throat, uncomfortable with public speaking but aware that it was a necessary evil.  “I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve summoned everyone here.”  He paused to note that most of the heads in the sea of shinobi were nodding in agreement.  “Well, it has come to my attention that there is an area in which our training seems to be lacking.”  The Copy Ninja paused again to wait for the murmurs of outrage to subside.  “I’ve been told that it’s easy enough to fix, which is why I’ve arranged for this simple demonstration today.”  He nodded at Lee and stepped to the side.  “Lee?”

 

Looking miserable, the green spandex-clad man tried to smile to the audience before turning to the box.  Apprehensively, he removed the covering to reveal a standard white toilet with the seat and lid in the ‘up’ position.

 

Laughter trickled through the audience at the revelation of the unexpected (and occasionally humorous) piece of furniture.

 

Nervously, and with a bit of hesitation, Lee reached out and carefully put the seat back down.  He turned to face the expectant crowd and nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden roar of approval from the collected women who’d snuck in while the men were laughing. 

 

Silently, he sighed in relief.

 

He’d gotten it right.


End file.
